Myself!

Bit of a short title to be honest.  I have done a lot of reflecting on my own being for the last couple of weeks.  And do you know what – I am actually happy with who I am!

I have worked hard over the last year, battling depression and various other illnesses that have all taken their toll on my mind, body and spirit.  I won’t go into all the boring details, no-one needs to read all that mind numbingly negative stuff.  However, I now accept that it is part of who I am.  I needed to sit up and take responsibility for my own role in some of these problems.  I also needed to work on the parts of me that had been damaged by others, the feelings that had turned me into a victim and not a warrior spirit.  None of it was my fault.  I know that now.  It is a hard realisation to deal with.  It also hard to realise what I had done to myself because of it.  My weight being one of the issues I am talking about.

I am taking back my own power.  I have shed the victim persona.  I have upgraded myself to a stronger, more powerful warrior spirit.  I can deal with what life throws at me, and deal with it with a smile on my face knowing that I can do whatever I choose to do.   I don’t need to tell everyone what I have been through as it is of no relevance to anyone but me.  But what I do need to do is treat everyone with an empathy that has sometimes been lacking towards me.

I am certainly not saying that everything is perfect.  It certainly isn’t.  I am saying that only I can work on my own perception of perfect.  What is ideal for me may not be ideal for anyone else.  

How did I do this you may ask?  The first step was having a deep understanding that I needed to change something. I didn’t know what it was, or how I would do it.  I just knew that things could not carry on how they were.  And if you are reading this and feeling the same for whatever reason, then it is a bloody good first step, and well done you.  

I had some healing carried out, which helped to identify the points in my life when these negative impressions took hold.  And then examining them from an outside view lessoned their impact on me.  Since then I have been taking each day as it comes.  I have still had bad days, but thank god they have been very few and far between.  I have been working on my physical well being, starting a healthy eating plan that has already seen 9lb come off in just a few weeks.  Essential oils have also played a huge part, diffusing oils that help to negate any of the old feelings, and stops them taking hold again.  I am also having counselling, everything that is being said to me, I already knew and told others how to do it.  I just needed that extra kick up the butt to actually apply it to myself.  To feel like I am worthy of fixing, to take care of myself.

I now look in the mirror and I do not hate what I see.  I actually love what I see.  I see me!  I see a glow and a sparkle in my eye that has been missing for a long time.  I am loving it.  Even taking a few more selfies and posting them in public – who would have thought that would happen.  Certainly not me.

My message to you all is as I have already stated, if you feel like you need to change something, then do it.  No-one will do it for you.  The work starts here and the buck stops with you.

Namaste

Nikki x

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